The Funnies

Disclaimer: 

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Purely Co-incidental. Names, though may seem like known ppl, are totally figments of my imagination. Stories, though may seem like something happened to you in your lifetime at XL, are totally made up (m a genius at making up stories- can't help it). Places, though may sound like common XLRI places like Bishoo's or some of the hostels, are in fact not what you think it is. People offended, esp those referred to as Trolls, Piggies and other such monsters, esp heads of various committees (that apparently don't exist according to the story) are advised to not kill me...... Please... (On the plus side- no one reads my blog- so that's some consolation....:p....)

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Preface

And now a term goes by. The first term has seen its highs and lows. The end of three months has never been so fast and so writ with memories. So much so, that i feel that if some "shit" ain't documented, two years will just zip by and no one will remember what happened when and worse people won't know "what" happened. Period. So here i go writing about it on a crappy blog (not that my blog is crappy- au contrair its awesome, like me. Its crappy cos i have "six" followers, that can even make Shakespeare feel crappy, like Chetan Bhagat after his next book) for the rest of the world to follow too. For i know someday that as i look back at this blog, i'll be wrought with memories from these two years. We have had amazing times- there was this one time when Abby got high and created a nuisance. Then this one time Dee-pain-moron-tee got high and created another nuisance. And another time when everyone got high and did some shit. (I don't recall. Was pretty high myself and i'm obviously not going to blog about that...:p..). Basically, this blog is about all the "highs" in the past one term. The highs figuratively. And literally as well.

Abby's Day Out

So we have this one time when Abby got high (on roofies apparently) and went berzerk in the girls hostel.That particular night started off with Abby coming back from his fake committee (Senseless Amateurs Pretending to be Professionals HRs  and Inadvertently  Ripping Every student n company in sight) night out and into our abode, brandishing a stick at everyone that came his way. How he got hold of that stick is still a matter of speculation, but as of now it is safely stored in my room, out of his reach. We only realised that he'd lost it when some of the blows struck by him were not playful, rather really hard and painful. "Navy Single" wrenched it away from him after a close wrestling match and I had to go for my "Pain-in-the-ass, Life-sucking, Awfully Cranky and Emotional Meeting of Enthusiastic Night Trawlers" Committee meeting (yeah- its a committee on campus- very secretive though and shall be hence forth referred to as the secret committee), so i told our ol' Navy Cut to take care of the drunk kid that we felt responsible towards and texted Abby's chaddi-buddy - "Nash.avi" about the situation and I left the room. I was filled in on what happened next from various sources- "Piggy Stunt-Bag", the girl Abby plays doll-house with, Nash.avi, Abby's secret crush (Oops!! It ain't a secret anymore..) et al..

So here's the low down of what happened in my absence- Seizing the opportunity of baby-sitting a drunk kid, Navy Single and Nash.avi took him to Bichoo's (yeah that's like a food joint started by someone with a Scorpion fetish) and then after amusing the junta with Abby's antics, they led him into the TMTWR (The Massive Trolls and Witches Residence) and our drunk child hero- Abby started shouting like crazy and having learnt that his sworn enemy, the villain of our story - "Sour, rubbed Bum-shell" was in one of the rooms (henceforth referred to as dungeons), he started shouting and threatening him to come out. Our villain's lethal superpower being SLEEP, (and by sleep i mean not putting others to sleep, but going off to sleep himself at the drop of a hat) he found himself rather helpless. But for the intervention of our very attractive damsel named "Peas" that the hero fancied (or so we'd like to believe and love to tease him for it too), Mr Bum-shell would have been in some real trouble. The hapless soul just found an easy exit and left the TMTWR, thanking the heavens for saving him from a near-death encounter with Abby. Abby also managed to disrupt the sleep of many trolls living in the adjacent dungeons and a particularly nasty one too named "Near-wrecker". Mentioning this particular one takes me back to another story- again involving Abby and Near-wrecker. One that happened much later.

It was a clear night sky. Abby wanted to stroll with the trolls, play a little doll-housie with Piggy Stunt-Bag so he pulled along Navy Single to go with him to The Massive Trolls and Witches Residence and keep guard while he did his business. After his rendezvous with Piggy Stunt-Bag, he and Navy Single began to make their way back to the hostel and then out of nowhere as they were passing the dungeon of "near-wrecker", Abby felt a bit adventurous and banged heavily on the dungeon door and ran away. Navy and Piggy looked here and there helplessly for a place to hide. Piggy ran into her sty, leaving Navy no choice but to just jump into the nearest dungeon available before the nasty troll came running to suck his blood. Well, this rude interruption into the troll dungeon wasn't taken lightly and before you know it, the word spread about Navy's brave encounter. Well i guess it was Navy's lucky day, cos u don't find many people who enter these dungeons without permission and then live to tell the tale. That's my boy Navy. And as for Abby. Well he's now developing quite a reputation among the trolls especially one of creating havoc every time he steps into the troll residency. And now people actually wonder whether he was really high during the first encounter- the one in which he scared the living hell outta Bum-shell, cos he created a similar ruckus by awakening the troll "near-wrecker" that too without being drunk at all.

A brief introduction to DPMT

Both these random yet awesome encounters were not witnessed by me firsthand, for my life in general is devoted to the services of this secret organisation that i mentioned earlier. And its true- we do a lot of boring, secretive stuff behind the four walls of our "office" on campus (top-secret stuff like convincing Batman that its ok to come out of the closet with his feelings for Robin, assuring Superman that his red-cape by no means makes him look like a little girl, to be specific- Lil Red Riding Hood). But on a serious note, we do have our own "days", you know, like days when some incident happens that people tend to remember for years on end and especially at re-unions when they start off with- "You remember the time when....". But, the nature of this top-secret, non-existent committee is such that i just cannot divulge much information (not now at least- rest assured we'd be laughing our asses off during our re-unions). But the story involves a certain "Dee-pain moron-tee". Names can be deceptive. This guy is a friggin genius. Makes work "fun" for us committee members. But that's another story for another time.

Of Colonel Briggs v/s the Navy

Then there was a time when "Navy Single", my dear roommate, got high and started jumping about and then after being totally drained, slept off to wake up to his clean clothes being tossed all around the room (boy was he pissed!!). The story goes like this. It was the night of celebrations. The results of the audition of a famous band on campus was out. A band named after a famous historical tree. I won't divulge much info though. M so glad that the XLers reading this are so "in-the-dark" wondering what I am referring to. (Ha Ha!! Suckers!!). And I was selected to be a part of this band (no surprise there- I'm awesome!!) and with me selected was Murdered-in-jail Sandy-Brigg-haha (the haha at the end clearly for those who don't get it) who'd i'd like to call Colonel Briggs. so Col. Briggs and I decided to throw a little party for the good folk of TNAMR (The Naughty and Amorous Macho-men Residency) the two-story building that accommodates the both of us and a lot of other goofy bastards. (rfr earlier blogs for the scoop on TNAMR and its historic significance). So we got hold of some premium liquor for the party.

In case i haven't mentioned it- the liquor biz in Jamshedpur is dependent solely on the young and virile livers of Xlers out here. Many a businessman has made a fortune by supplying hooch to XL. XLRI is seen as a haven for young and fresh talent by stalwarts in the industry and even by the behanji next door that moms brag to. Even MBA aspirants all throughout the country salivate when they come across people from XL. But, in the eyes of the liquor vendors, resto-bar and pub owners, we are the "BND" (no, not boys next door, rather bevdas next door) who don't hesitate to ask for "XL discount" while even buying a quarter of their favorite brew. Yes! Cheap we are. Who cares that our packages touch the sky? Who cares that on an average we'd be earning over a million and a half in Indian currency per year? If it comes to saving 25-30 bucks on a full bottle of our favorite brew, the heck we care about protecting our identities. Out comes the i-Card with the XL badge on it flashed with such pompousness that it seems we're doing the world a favor by disposing off the excess liquor. Only these lucky ones get to see our true colors. And this is a ritual that happens every weekend and daily for some seniors who've bagged some high-end job offers already.

So, back we go to the story. Col. Briggs n myself decided to throw one heck of a party. Since we both were also in secret service (of the secret committee of course), we had to attend the nightly ritual of saving the world before bedtime. So the party had to start late. It was decided then- 1 am. All that had to be done was to wrap up the secret meeting before that and attend the initiation ceremony of the band before 1 am. So the invites went out and all were asked to assemble in my room, which by the way was decked up to resemble a party hall with the dim lights and the soft background music. All seemed to go well. We talked our way into leaving the secret service early that night (and by early I mean 12 midnight), but the only hitch that remained was the initiation to the band took longer than expected. The newly-formed band decided to get to know each other better and thus hung-around for longer than expected. The clock was ticking.

Going back in time a few hours, earlier that night, Navy Single, the hero of our story, had gone for HIS committee party (boy do we have serious trouble every time somebody goes for a committee party!!). Navy was a part of this uber-cool committee called Socially Awkward Clouts. Uber-cool cos of the fact that these committee people had like the power to spam people. There ain't nothing cooler than imposing your mail into the mailboxes of a classroom of chronic internet-addicts who actually run into panicked frenzies the moment there's little or no activity on their various online accounts and go about hitting Ctrl+R from time to time expecting God-alone-knows-what to happen every time they do so. So, as i was saying, our hero and his cronies were discussing "how much fun it actually is to keep spamming people who check their BBs everytime they get a mail only to discover that it's a false alarm". And they were discussing this over a few drinks which eventually turned out to be a few-too-many for some to handle. Cos according to reports, Navy Single came home high as the high hopes of Pink Floyd and was apparently jumping around like an ecstatic tweety bird. (Again i missed the fun cos I was "doing time" working for the secret service). I got a phone call from Abby calling me to my room immediately to witness my drunk roommate's wild antics. I muttered a few curses under my breath for having to miss this event (again!!). I rushed through the entire process of bunking secret service for that night and also rushed to the band initiation ceremony hoping it got over soon. As we all know- that didn't happen exactly the way i wanted it to and the time was now 2 a.m.- an hour behind our partying schedule. The drunk hero of our story was now drunk AND pissed that we didn't start on time and just decided to take his protest to a different level by plonking himself on his bed (which was in the party room- he's my roommate of course) and then dozing off and refusing to wake up for the love of anything.

Anyways, the party went on. Our so-called guests did arrive (they didn't mind it being an hour late as long as we had lots of good booze to compensate the delay) and sat themselves respectably and poured up a couple of drinks. Neither did they mind sitting on the very bed Navy was plonked on and chit-chatting without concern. A couple of them did try innovative techniques to wake the sleeping beauty, but it seems Navy was too adamant even in his sleep. Everything seemed to be going like the way quite and respectable parties do. That was until approximately "three down". After that- all hell broke loose. It turned out to be one of the worst nights ever and one of the best too. Somewhere down the party, they caught hold of Navy's clothes from the clothes line and started chucking it on each other. It started off with my jockey actually and then they somehow found the idea of lunging underwear at each other very attractive and began meting out the same treatment to Navy's clothes. And thus began the game of "toss the host's chaddi". I did my best to stop them- honestly. But it was a mob that night. Agreed, we were just a dozen people crammed into my small room, but it was still a crowd. A crowd of drunk Xlers. Other highlights included Abby getting really drunk (as always) and then lashing out at people from Bengal and Orissa. Our esteemed chief-guest, a person I mentioned earlier in the blog, Mr. Dee-pain moron-tee being from an odiya background found his life in grave danger after this threat from Abby and scampered for the door. That was the last I saw of him that night. Apart from that, we had a loud karaoke, with a dozen odd drunk guests swaying (not because they could actually control themselves from doing so) and singing (for the lack of a better word) together to the anthems of Pink Floyd. In the commotion, a couple of esteemed guests did manage to break their spectacles- Mr. Mayflower and Mr. Shivery.

The sight of her sends a "shivery" down my spine

Here comes Mr. Shivery, the hapless guy who lost his spectacles to a mob-fight. And the worst part was Mr. Shivery was quite sober that night, but had just joined the group for some fun. Poor chap didn't realize that the joke was on him. And as a matter of fact, not just the joke, but also the "jockey" was on him. MY jockey. You see- somewhere during the game of "toss the host's chaddi", the esteemed guests found that a better alternative to the game would be to actually make a garland of the jockey and ring it around the neck of some unfortunate soul at the party when he wasn't looking. Mr. Shivery had the jockey around his neck for quite a long time, and i could have sworn as i browsed through the video the next day (yes i had my video camera working all through the night. I do it always- BIG DEAL!!), that Mr. Shivery actually didn't want to take it off. Was he mourning the loss of his now-smashed spectacle? Or was he just getting a high out of wearing the jockey around his neck? There are some questions in life that have no answer. All in all, it was a memorable night. We partied till sunrise (actually we ran out of booze by then, or else no one was in the mood to stop). And then on an impulse, we all decided to go out for brunch. Apparently a party is never complete unless you go for an all-you-can-eat-buffet. If you ask me- its a clever way devised to make people puke. Thankfully no one did puke that night. It was a good day all in all. We all had fun. All except Navy, who was in a state of shock as well as mourning when he saw the state of the room the next morning. (Funny story- in the middle of the mad party, Navy woke up to go to the loo and take a leak or smth and before he knew it he was locked out of his own room. Of course, someone locked the door on purpose. He spent the whole night in Abby's room where he slept peacefully. It was a win-win for everyone. He got his much need sleep, and we got rid of lil bo-peep). So as I was saying- the room was a mess. Everything that could be moved had been moved. Thus ends the story of "The time when Navy Single got really pissed". All in all it was a good day and a memorable party. However, I was mildly pissed too- they fought like crazy over my jockey and tore it into tatters. Apparently "toss the host's jockey" is very much like cricket cos it involves a lot of "wear and tear" of the game equipment. Cricket balls face "wear and tear" when it comes to the game of cricket and Jockey branded inner wears go through the same in this particular game. Luckily for me- there was no "wear" involved in the whole process, just the "tearing" bit. The "wearing" element would come to play in the "pervert's version" of the game i guess. But, i was nonetheless sad at having to wake up to a torn jockey the next morning. (The joke's on them though cos the jockey was by no means clean...;)...)

Pat yourself on the back if you could read this epic saga in one sitting. I hope after reading this blog, my "six faithful followers" don't just decide to ban my blogs for life. I really wouldn't blame them even if they do.....:):)

Cheerios!!